Wei Jing. 15. NYGH.
This is a space for me to rant and share my stories in photos. I enjoy photography and writing in chinese. I love exploring- new places, good food, new books! So, if you have the same interests as me, click the follow button! :D

it's the ball, my dear. // Saturday, October 26, 2013
10:42:00 AM
OM reunion ytd and it was fun :)

I'm really confused if i should join nxt year. Some of my team members kindda want, but ah. Im really afraid of my grades and stuff because this year is sooo horrible. :(

BUT I WANT TO GO WORLDS. plus next year will be a tough fight. sighpie.

矮小 // Saturday, October 12, 2013
7:03:00 PM




Just a random short poem to vent my angst. It sounds incoherent, but whatever. Just so so frustrated at myself but at the same time, as much as I'm trying hard, I really hate it how people look down on me. For example, I just said like oh yea I used the same concept but I wasn't sure if it's correct etcetc, and she went, " oh you mean you know how to do?" Or " you know meh?". Or in another instance, I said that I was selected to go for exco, but I didn't want, because I felt more dedicated to my CCA, plus I think it was because they needed one more candidate as well, I told her, and wow, what a great friend she was. She said, " oh no wonder, I think they just needed a replacement." Okay thanks. I don't know whether I should even call her my friend at times. Are friends supposed to be like that? I don't like having friends with benefits. You try to get close to me to get some benefits, but when you are better than me and yes, I do respect and admire how fast you improve (no sacarsm here), you start mocking me subtly. It's really hurting. Yes I know, I've become so dumb and stupid but really, sometimes I'm so sick and tired of seeing you, or having you as a company. 

-just a vent of anger- 

poetry // Sunday, September 29, 2013
6:16:00 PM

Do you remember rain as a child? How we willingly
Let the pitter-patter pepper us -
Spots of transparency
Bleeding into our little white singlets?
Looking up even though we knew they'd hit
But not hurt.
We cupped our hands into a lousy bowl.
It seemed a pretty good idea then.
Pressing them tightly together in vain,
we watched rain silver through our casual fingers.
Our concentration always fizzled out
Before the rain finally did. Renewal
For free. We were well-acquainted
With hope, weren't we?

Yesterday, it rained again.
Now we know nothing remains in us
To be saved. A rusty mooncake box,
A cigarette butt. Clunky spare parts
Knocked up in the garage with
Whatever attention they had left
To spare.
And so we ran from judgement.
If we cannot save what is inside,
At least we can salvage a semblance
Of propriety.
A dry shirt on standby
Do you remember rain
As a child, bothering
To scan the sky in search of its source;
Our half-open gape, dwarfed
Only by the wonder in our eyes.
Do you remember?
A fearless question
Asked carelessly.
We stumbled
Out of investigation
In a daze
And suddenly,
We were adults.
By Gaston Ng

Really love this poem :') I came across this while revising for LA. sighpie, exam's in 2-3 days time. :(

Counting down. // Sunday, September 15, 2013
9:44:00 PM
It really scares me how close EOYs are. I decided to deactivate fb, delete twitter from my iPad and prevent myself form going to any social networks. It doesn't distract me, in fact it only stresses me out even more. Looking at how others are worrying, I get even more worried. I am super unprepared and I really don't know what I've been doing for the entire year. All my concepts are wrong, I'm failing block test, quizzes, and I think the impact of failing block test has hit me so hard that all my confidence has lost. I really don't know how worse I can do anymore. If I am capable of failing a freaking block test, what about EOYs? I really don't know. There's only 2 more weeks left. I really really need to buck up and get stuff done.

pfff. // Wednesday, September 11, 2013
10:37:00 PM
Running out of time. I can finish what I'm supposed to do.

Why did I come to such a state. So screwed.

E.P.G.Y. // Monday, September 9, 2013
11:48:00 PM
As much as I enjoy doing math, epgy is just some boring thick orange book that is making me lose interest right now. It's so sian omg.

Save me. :( I wish I can just move on to do science revision ._.

- // Thursday, September 5, 2013
11:11:00 PM
In life, people only remember the things which we have failed, the things that we did not do well. But they never ever, never ever remember the things which we do well in. 

You fail to see how much I'm struggling, how much I'm trying. Instead all you can say is that 我越长大越笨。I know I'm stupid that's why I failed. I know I'm a disappointment. I don't need you to tell me. And I don't need to tell you that I am one. Do you think I'm really that happy and 懵懂, living in my own world everyday? Isn't it obvious that I have to pretend to feel nothing in front of you? If I cried in front of you, another round of criticism will set in. Because every single thing that's escapes from your mouth is negative scarring words which you think will help to push me further but no. No, it doesn't work that way. I have been tolerating since primary school, the pressure and everything. I know it's good but please, I know myself that I have failed terribly. And what hurts the most, is the pressure that sets in after that and all the negative scoldings that add on. 

But this will never change. I will continue to live in such an environment that only remembers failures.